What Is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence refers to a recurring pattern of coercive actions employed by one individual to assert and sustain dominance over another within an intimate or familial relationship.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone- regardless of gender identity, age, economic status, race, culture, religion, or sexual orientation. No one deserves to be abused. Yet each year, thousands of families in New Hampshire and across the country endure the terrifying effects of domestic violence.
Sadly, the consequence of accepting and ignoring violence in our lives is more violence. All victims want to believe their abuser when they promise that the abuse won’t happen again. Unfortunately, without intervention, the abuse does continue, typically increasing in frequency and severity. The result of this violence can be devastating to both victims and their children. Victims of violence feel helpless and isolated, making choices based on fear. Children who grow up in violent homes learn that violence is an appropriate way to express feelings of anger and frustration and often repeat the patterns of their childhood.
Some examples of domestic violence include:
- Physical violence
- Sexual violence
- Stalking
- Verbal, emotional, mental/psychological, and/or economic abuse
- Threats, pushing, punching, slapping, strangulation, shouting, and/or name-calling
- Harming or threatening to harm children or pets, and other violent or intimidating behaviors
- Isolation from family and friends
- Rarely a one-time occurrence, domestic violence usually escalates in frequency and severity over time.
- Abusers batter to control and dominate their partners
Is It Abuse?
Does your partner tell you:
- that you are stupid and everything is your fault?
- that you can’t do anything right?
- that no one else would ever want you?
- which friends or relatives can you see or talk to?
Are you prevented from:
- using the phone?
- going to school or getting a job?
- spending time with family and friends?
When bad things happen or go wrong, does your partner always blame you?
Does your partner:
- break, throw, or burn things, especially things you care about?
- punch walls or other objects?
- push, kick, hit, or spit on you?
- purposely hurt or neglect your pet?
Are you pressured or forced to have sex when you don’t want to?
Do you keep trying to please your partner, hoping they will change?
Does your partner threaten to:
- hurt or kill you, themselves, your children, other family members, and/or your pet when they are angry?
- take your children if you ever try to leave?
- hurt or kill you, themselves, your children, other family members, and/or your pet if you try to leave?
Does your partner:
- watch every move you make?
- call you ten times a day?
- accuse you of having affairs with everyone?
Does your partner:
- control all finances?
- give you an “allowance”?
Abusive behavior is a choice made by the individual perpetrating it and is not the fault of the victim.
What You Should Know
Abuse happens when one partner (the abuser) has power and control over the other partner.
There are different kinds of abuse, and domestic violence may include all, some, or only one form of abuse. Very often, one or more violent incidents are followed by other types of abuse. They may be harder to identify, but they firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.
Domestic violence is a crime in the State of New Hampshire. Emotional, verbal, or economic abuses are not usually considered illegal but can be just as harmful to a person as physical abuse.