What is a Safety Plan?
A safety plan is a practical plan that is personalized to your needs and is designed to help you avoid dangerous situations. Your safety plan outlines the best way for you to respond if you are in danger or feeling triggered. Planning can be used while you are still with your abuser or after the relationship has ended. Crisis center advocates are available 24/7 to help craft or review your personal safety plan, discuss safe options like emergency shelter, and provide emotional support.
Checklist
Below is a list of items you should consider taking with you. Not all of these items will be applicable to your situation, choose what makes sense to you.
- Picture identification
- Driver’s license, car title, and registration
- Restraining/ Protection order
- Home and car keys
- Social Security cards (both yours and your children’s)
- Cash/ EBT cards
- Medications or prescriptions
- Children’s birth certificates
- Your birth certificate
- Your marriage license
- Divorce papers, including custody orders
- Children’s small toy or favorite blanket
- A small comfort item for yourself
These items might be best placed in one location so that if you have to leave in a hurry, you can grab them quickly. It may also be a good idea to store them outside your home (in your car, with a friend, etc.)
If you think removing these items might place you in danger, you can make photocopies and then put the originals back. Copies can be made at Starting Point’s office for no charge.
Reminders
We are not here to judge you or make decisions for you. We want to provide you with the information you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family.
- Decide under which circumstances you will call 911.
- Plan where you will go if you need to leave home in an emergency situation.
- Have a bag packed for yourself and your child(ren), and keep it in an accessible place so you can leave quickly.
- Determine whom you would call for help in an emergency. Make a list of friends, relatives, neighbors, police, and hotline numbers. Keep this list in a safe location.
- Speak with an advocate from Starting Point who can inform you of your rights and options.
- If you choose to leave, it is also best to leave with a carefully thought-out plan in place. Abusers often strike back if they believe you are leaving the relationship.
- Determine where you will go. Options may include friends, family, relatives, a motel, or shelter.
- Leave money, extra keys, copies of important documents, and clothes with someone you trust.
- Assess the seriousness of your situation. If the abuser has access to weapons, has threatened homicide or suicide, has stalked you, or abuses drugs or alcohol, you may be in severe danger. If this is the case, consider relocation and/or changing your identity.
- Consult with an advocate from Starting Point.
- Seek a restraining order from family court.
- Carry an emergency cell phone with you.
- Be aware of your surroundings. Change your daily routine from time to time.
- Consult with a court advocate from Starting Point to prepare for upcoming court hearings.
- Make extra copies of your protective order and keep one with you at all times. Also, keep copies in your glove compartment, at a friend’s or relative’s home, and at your children’s school or daycare.
- Report all violations of the protective order to the police.
- If you move to another town or state, remember that the protective order is still valid. You may register the protective order in your new town by taking the order to the local court.
- Check the lighting in your apartment hallways or outside your home. Make sure all areas are well-lit at night.
- Change or add locks on your doors and windows.
- As your neighbors to let you know if they see anything suspicious.
- Decide to whom you need to tell the situation at work (your boss, co-workers, or security) and what you want them to do should your abuser show up.
- Have someone escort you to your car. Use a variety of routes to go home if possible, Think about what you would do if something happened on your way home.
- Teach children not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they think they are helping.
- Practice calling 911 with them.
- If children are old enough, teach them a code word and what to do and where to go if you use the code word.
- Inform the children’s school or daycare of any restraining orders or custody agreement.
- Take steps to prove ownership of your pet. Have them vaccinated and licensed in the place where you live, making sure the registrations are done in your name. Take steps to have them changed if necessary.
- If possible, avoid leaving pets alone with an abusive partner.
- If your pet is microchipped, make sure your abusive partner is not listed as a contact.
- If you’re planning to leave, talk to friends, family, or your veterinarian about temporary care for your pet if necessary. Reach out to Starting Point for resources and options.
- If you decide to leave and are able to, bring extra provisions for your pets, including food and medications, copies of their medical records, and important phone numbers.
- New Hampshire allows pets to be included in protective orders. Contact Starting Point for help.
- After leaving, consider changing veterinarians and avoid leaving pets outside alone to ensure their long-term safety.
- If you’ve had to leave your pet behind with an abusive partner, consider seeking assistance from local services like animal control to see if they can intervene.
- The experience of being abused and verbally degraded by your partner is exhausting and emotionally draining. The process of building a new life takes courage and incredible energy.
- Create a list of positive thoughts about yourself and hang it in a place you will see every day.
- Be assertive with others about your needs.
- Attend a support group if you feel you need support from others who have been through similar situations.
- Decide which family members or friends you can call to give you the support you need.
- Read articles, books, and poetry to help you feel stronger. Starting Point has a lending library if you are interested.
- Find some thing you like to do for yourself. You deserve to have some happiness and fun in your life.